I don't know why I keep falling for the same types. Just when I'm comfortable and expect the commitment that I've been waiting for, time after time, it falls through. They bail. They cheat. They turn mean. They become controlling. They hate me, but they say that they love me to keep me around; and because I love them, I stay long past the sand leaves the hourglass. Because I trust them, I wait for the colors that I saw in the beginning to spring back like May. But, the longer I wait, the worse it gets and the more convinced they are that I would stay under any conditions. This isn't their fault, though. It's mine. I'm not intentionally picking bad apples, but I am picking them and then I stay. I ignore the signs. I ignore my friends, and most of all, I ignore God.
Did you feel that? Are you choked up? Are you fresh out a the second, third, fourth, or fifth similar relationship? If that's you, then, it's time to get to where God has been trying to take you and I'm here to help you with that here, right now, today. Pack your bags, we're going to the promised land.
4 Ways to Avoid Unhealthy Relationships
Habits of the Heart
1. Forgive yourself, and them.
You are not stupid. You saw the red flags and ignored them? okay. You ignored God? okay. You knew better? okay. You feel like you should have seen the signs? Well, maybe. But everybody has pushed on a door that says 'Pull'. People run into stationary objects everyday. What I'm saying is that everybody makes mistakes and then reflects on them thinking "man, if only I had just..."
Is it okay to do these things? Not all the time. But, it is okay. If you don't forgive yourself, you will use every relationship to redeem yourself. You will think in terms of "finally, I chose the right one. This one could be it" before you realize that you really haven't. You may even carry these feelings into what could be the right relationship, but because you're not liberated from your past, you lose the ability to approach that relationship with a clear and stable slate. Your heart may become hardened against the very thing that God wants to bless you with all because you could not let go of what has happened. Forgive yourself, forgive them, and embrace that freedom before you try to embrace another person. This is what's best for you!
2. Relinquish control.
There is nothing wrong with being married, in a relationship, or even being single. In adulthood, there is no age restraint on seasons. There is no serious problem with getting married in your 20's. There is no serious problem waiting until your 30+ years. The problem is doing these things outside of the appointed season. There are ideas that you should wait until you're a certain age, or that you should haste before a certain age, to be in a relationship. In addition to that, with free will, we tend to think that just because we can or want to be with somebody, that we need to be with somebody as soon as possible. The truth is that this is just not true.
If we say we want what God has for us, we have to be prepared for all that that means. That may mean dry seasons, so that you might find God to be more refreshing and thirst quenching than you've ever known Him to be. That may mean lonely seasons, so that we can separate ourselves from the dire need of physical contact, however sinfully or destructively it may come. Perhaps, that would mean fulfilling the same needs with the presence of God until He provides a physical representation of His perfect will to fulfill it.
Either way, you have to yield. You have to be ready to not feel ready. You have to be prepared for the discomfort. It will be good for you. Like drug rehabilitation, even without experiencing it, we can SEE that it is a painful process to detox, and it takes good counsel and vigilance to stay clean, thereafter. Habits of the heart can have us going back to what we know feels good, but the euphoria leaves and it turns destructive really fast. Only, by then, you're hooked.
3. Don't fall in the traps.
New levels, new devils. That's what they say, right? Once you get free, there is always another trap waiting and timed perfectly. It never comes on strong enough to scare you away, but it is forward enough to show desire. These traps either make you think that you have never felt that way before or that you will never feel that way again. These traps are as enticing as water in a desert, but you never know its a mirage until you get really close and really attached to the idea. It will look, smell, feel, and sound like what you've been waiting for, and believe me: it's supposed to. It's not always sexual, but it doesn't have to be. If you ever decide to give God a part of your life, the enemy will send incentive to take advantage of your free will. This is not to bring you temporary comfort. This is to destroy you. DESTROY YOU. Don't fall for it. Hide yourself in the Lord. Pray without ceasing. Be a hearer and doer of the word. Be about your Father's business. Know that the Lord has such great plans for you if you allow Him to build you; and if you allow Him to build you, you will be able to carry and sustain His great plans.
4. Honor God in your position
Don't gripe. This is for YOUR benefit. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Don't find other destructive ways to fill the void. Don't resent God because His plan doesn't line up with your plan. Please don't do it. Let the fruit of your lips honor Him. When you see His perfect work come to pass, you will be humbled, but start humbling yourself, even now. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). Present your body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God as this is your reasonable service (Romans 12:1). Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all that belongs to you, according to the will of God, will be added to you (Romans 6:33). You have to believe that. Don't have a bad attitude, but humble yourself in faith that God loves you. He has your back, and His ways and methods of choosing are far above your own.
Listen.
Before you go to sleep tonight
and when you wake up in the morning,
I pray the presence of God will meet you.
His peace will surpass your understanding.
All of your questions may not get answered,
but they don't have to be.
As you repent, surely, all guilt is gone--
You are a new creature in Christ.
Regret serves no purpose as the old things are passed away
and God is doing a new thing.
I pray that you yield and yield and yield
until the next time you look up,
you're in a different space, hidden in the Lord.
Hidden so deeply that your habits know that they have no authority
to call you by your name.
You are more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ.
Your feelings may not have changed,
but they will, as you hide yourself and
allow the Lord to do His perfect work.
The enemy will send distractions.
Those distractions will be sweet and they
will alleviate the pain for a while,
but they are meant to get your attention
and turn destructive when you least expect it.
But they will neither entice, nor destroy you.
As you focus on the Lord,
No weapon formed against you shall prosper.
Not again!
Honor Him in the midst your joy as well as your despair.
You will be alright.
"It's better than it feels"
too much love,
youdontknowmebro
