I'm Pregnant (Open Diary)

I cannot believe my life.

I've contemplated keeping it to myself until it was visibly obvious, but I know that I would only be doing that out of fear of people's reactions. I think, no matter how people will look at me, God is still going to be glorified by this shift in my life. Please read this entire blog before you judge my situation.

Transparency is so important to me, so, I'll be the first to say that I don't know how I could allow this to happen. I let my guard down ..once.. and walked in on such a huge responsibility. Now I know for sure that one time is all it takes. Life is about to change. I'm about to have to give some things up. And although I'm better now, when I first found out, I could not. stop. crying ...terrified.

There is something inside of me that is growing. I think about how things will be after all these months are in the past and it makes me happy and afraid all at once. I'm expecting.

I'm happy because I know that I was born to love, and now I will be able to exercise that everyday of my life. I have a pretty solid relationship with the father and I'm happy because I know that I will be able to witness some incredible milestones. I have something to be proud of. Maybe my actions are not to be proud of, but I will be proud of the gift that is to come. Every back ache, I will give God glory. Every morning where I lay comfortable in my bed, but am awakened by the call of the body, will be for the glory of God. It doesn't hurt, now, half as much as I know it will, but even then, it will be for a purpose. The weariness is for a purpose. And though my condition is a product of my flesh and imperfection, my brokenness is for the glory of God. 

I am made for this. I was made to carry this. I know that it's a deeply beautiful and spiritual experience, but I can't get over the fact that I am about to be all stretched out and altered. I know there are some things that needed to be changed, but why this way? I may be wrong for asking, but why has God decided to teach me this way?

 

I had a plan and it didn't include this at all. Well, I mean, not now. Maybe not ever. Maybe if God said so? And even if He did say so, there were some things that had to take place first! I had plans.

Being a professing Christian, it's easy for condemnation to be sprung on me because of having a child out of wedlock. As I waited to release this blog, I saw tweets and posts all over the place urging women to lock up the goods! I am 100% in support of that message, however, I could also feel the weight of shame that could be felt by those who did not choose to wait. To those women who are in Christ, who have experienced condemnation from fellow believers, accept my apology on behalf of those who may have hurt you.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Woman of God, the blood - through repentance - has covered your mistakes and the grace of God is ready to carry you into your purpose as you walk after the Spirit, with holiness and virtue, even with your child in hand. All of us are growing; keep moving forward :)

Now, I'm going to switch gears really quick. 

Pregnant

adj. adjective

1. Carrying developing offspring within the body.

2. Weighty or significant; full of meaning.

I cannot believe my life.

I am pregnant with ...purpose. I'm chosen to carry out an assignment. It's Gods plan to use me to deliver something into the earth; and guess what? There is purpose inside of you too. 

When God reveals His plan for your life, sometimes we feel like we don't want it. Depending on what it is, it may terrify us! Forgetting that God is sovereign, we may even feel like we can walk away from it just as easily as we walked into it.

plan (plăn) 

n. noun

1. An orderly or step-by-step conception or proposal for accomplishing an objective

God's plan contains milestones and stages to get to an across-the-board objective of giving Him glory. But through the steps, we have to fight flesh, dispositions, and spiritual warfare that comes against us. In the mix of the battle, we may make bad decisions, especially in the beginning, but even those bad decisions work together for your good. That does not mean we rush to the bad decisions, that means we trust God, even still, after the fact. As we move forward on His path, God reveals Himself more and more and in turn, we move more and more out of sinfulness; and it may cross over from being just uncomfortable, to being outright painful, but it's for the glory of God. 

"But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. (1 Peter 5:10 KJV)"

Is God not worth pain that will result in spiritual richness? Now not all pain is unto God. You cannot eat raw meat and say that your sickness is unto God. You cannot be a whore-monger and say that an STD is unto God. So, to make things clearer, I will present an example through the act of fasting. In fasting, we sacrifice some portion of our practices to somewhat train the flesh to go unsatisfied (it is most common to fast from food). One of the more challenging fasts would be from all foods as opposed to just a certain type of food and this is where you would experience hunger pangs like no other fast would give. This pain is not a result of a bad decision. This pain is a result of training and discipline that must take place. So, I ask again: Is God not worth pain that will result in spiritual richness?

You may know God's plan or purpose for your life, but how are you handling it? Are you afraid? Be advised, if God revealed something to you about you, He knows has already cleared you. If He opens a door for you, then He has already placed, inside of you, what you need to sustain it. But while you carry, you have to discover what those strengths, or what God is about to develop, in you. You will be stretched, just like the womb of a mother. You will be altered and you will be changed forever, but that's supposed to happen. God chose to do it this way because this is the way it needed to be done for His glory.

We all have plans, don't we? But when we surrender our choices to accept salvation, that is only the first step to a total life of surrender. You have to let your guard down; and as you hear God's voice and discover what He wants you to do, bit by bit, please don't run. He has your best interest at heart and the Body of Christ is in need of what He called you to.

Are you looking to abort what God has placed inside of you? Or are you ready to give birth to something great?

Just in case it wasn't clear; No I am not with child, yet ;)

too much love,

youdontknowmebro

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